Month: July 2018

I am feeling deeply into a sense of being alone, today, Readers.  I feel it calling me.

It’s like a heaviness in my chest, and in my solar plexus…and like a wandering, pacing restlessness (that’s the part that wants to get away from actually feeling it). Have you ever felt like that?

I notice it’s not really a terrible thing. (Though sometimes it feels like that, at first.) In fact, it’s extraordinarily loving.

It’s kind.

It says, “Listen, this is how you take care care of yourself: You take care of yourself by noticing. You take care of yourself by not running away. You take care of yourself by breathing deep breaths and paying attention to your heart. You take care of yourself by never,ever denying what you feel.”

Things are changing. This is what it feels like for things to change. This is what it feels like to grow. This is what it feels like to be gentle with myself…and say yes. When I give myself full permission to feel what I’m feeling, I find the restlessness begins to rest. I feel the things that were clutching begin to unwind.

There is a little resistance popping up now saying, “Wow. Are you actually going to publish this? Don’t you think it’s a little much?” Yes.  Yes, I am. Because, I don’t know…maybe…maybe it is a little much, but it’s my truth of the day.

Hello Readers!

It’s been a couple of days! I’ve been working on getting my blog site moved from one blog hosting site to another…so I got to play with some “techie” kind of stuff.

I have to say, if you ever want to start up a blog yourself, the support people at DreamHost were super helpful.  You can always just pay a fee and have something like migrating done for you, but I was in it to learn something! (Besides which, right now, it so happens I have plenty of time.) And now (whoo hooo!) it’s done!

I’ll tell you, I am a bit proud of myself for sticking with it and asking questions and taking the next small step until it was finished. I’m also proud of myself for being patient with myself. This was just the kind of “stuff” I used to think was beyond me. Yes, I reached out and asked for help and support and I got that, too. Asking hasn’t always been one of my strong suits.

So, I took myself out for dinner and a pint yesterday to celebrate.  I know everyone isn’t into liver, but I found this chicken liver pâté and figs amazing…and doesn’t it make an inviting picture?

 

 

 

 

I had lovely day yesterday! I decided to go back to Athlone. It’s so delightful. This time I decided to take a river cruise. (You might as well know, I have a “thing” for rivers.) My first stop was at a museum right on the river to see if the people at the desk knew where I might catch the boat. They did indeed! Right behind the Athlone Castle near Sean’s Bar, (which just happens to be the oldest bar in Ireland), would be the place to catch it.

Readers, these are the things I am learning about blogging…next time I’d get you a picture of at least the entrance to Sean’s Bar. It’s easy to look up on the internet though. The official website for the bar says: “Sean’s Bar has a detailed and documented history right back to 900 AD. During renovations in 1970, the walls of the bar were found to be made of ‘wattle and wicker’ dating back to the ninth century. Old coins which were minted by various landlords for barter with their customers were also found and dated to this period. The walls and the coins are on display in the National Museum. One section remains on display in the pub.”

Who knows, I may be back to Athlone once more before I’m off to spend some time in the area of Galway. I’d like to have a pint at Sean’s Bar…and maybe tour the castle, too…and I could visit that museum.

I have pictures from the river tour. We sailed north to Lough Ree (the Lake of Kings).

This is me…enjoying the day.

      

 

And a few pictures around town:

Here is Murphy’s Law, Gastro Pub and Restaurant. Of course a letter has fallen from the sign. What did you expect?

Even the water main covers are beautiful!

  

That last photo is The Bastion Gallery. Again, I’m learning. I didn’t see I’d missed having the whole sign until I got home…but I loved the quirky feel of the place.

Today I have been practicing with resizing these photos so they’re not such big files…and reading about technical ins and outs. So I’ve been playing indoors.

The other day, the man who has been in my life and in my heart for what feels like a long time, now, asked me a question. The question had something to do with contentment. He asked me, as I sat here in another life…in this room in Ireland…if my life had “turned out.”

I replied that my life is in continuous movement…like a river.

Of course it is.

My life hasn’t “turned-out” yet, because it isn’t over. Isn’t that a marvelous thing…a wonder?

It continues to move. It continues to change. I continue to feel.

I had heard “feel your feelings” from many different directions until, sometimes, it had sounded a lot like when I was child being told to “eat my vegetables”.  I didn’t want to do that. It hurt.

I see that I don’t look at it that way, anymore. My feelings are my guides..my breadcrumbs. I am learning more and more to put my shields down and to meet them. Sometimes I even run to meet them, now.  There is forgiveness in that, for myself and for everything. Feeling my feelings is a well of mercy, and kindness.

So…

Has my life turned out?

To be continued…

For the last few days I have been in resting and gathering mode.  I have been gathering energy and maybe some guidance through the static of my spiritual GPS.

What I know is, sometimes I have tried to press on through messages to stop, just stop…and to get really quiet. Lately, I had been trying to “power ” my way through some haziness about purpose…and some sort of self-talk in the back of my head about using my time here in Ireland wisely.

I don’t want to mess up this opportunity, after all.

Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Get this right! Don’t screw it up.

It doesn’t work that way, does it? When I start wandering off into the dark like that, it just gets darker.

The body says, “Breathe.”

The spirit says, “Listen.”

When I finally listen, the heart says, “Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you.”

So I got a little laundry done today. I hung it up on a line outside. (I haven’t done that in a long, long time…maybe even never. Maybe it was my mom who last hung my clothes on a line.) That was my accomplishment for the day.  That…and this…stopping in to say hello to you, which I’m really glad I did.