Don’t Open the Door to the Study

“Today, like every other day,

We wake up empty and frightened.

Don’t open the door to the study

and begin reading.

Take down a musical instrument.

Let the be beauty we love

be what we do.

There are a hundred ways

to kneel and kiss the ground.”

~Rumi

One of my first thoughts when I read this again the other morning is how sweetly human it is. I feel seen…acknowledged. I wonder how many of you out there feel the same, especially in these uncertain times, as you rise to greet another day.

I, too, wake up empty–and frightened–and looking for a way to pull myself back to center. What I love about this is the realization that it’s actually normal. And it’s nothing so serious…nothing so weird.

Another thought I had when I read this poem was that I wished I played a musical instrument. Isn’t that funny? My head, at first, rushes to “Not good enough.” 

But Rumi tells us here that there are a hundred ways to kneel and kiss the ground.

Pen and paper are musical instruments for me. They’re how I get in touch with how I feel. 

And I can listen to music. I can dance in the privacy of my own room.

There are a hundred ways to get in touch with gratitude…and devotion…and the beauty of what we love.

Some, I notice, bake beautiful fresh breads.

For others, a morning walk, or feeling their toes in the sand at the beach is the way they kneel and kiss the ground.

Noticing the moon…and the planets…the stars…constellations…is another way.

It could be any small ritual for which you are truly present.

Even the simple act of making the bed in the morning with attention…and gratitude for a night’s rest, can be a way to let the beauty of what we love be what we do.

Lighting a candle. Whispering a prayer.

The point, for me, was that I needn’t be discouraged by the idea that I may have to come back to my touchstones over and over again: paying attention to my breath, writing, dancing–whatever it is–and to know that I can be okay with that. Can we be okay if every morning we feel a bit scattered, lost…uncertain…and we have to gently bring ourselves back to the place where we’re seeing the beauty in life?

Can it be okay if every morning we feel a little darkness as we rise to face another day…and we take down our musical instrument, whatever it is…and begin to play?

As if…

As I breathe into this fresh morning…this new day; and into my intentions to let go of preconditioned ideas about how life is “supposed to be”–and how it’s “supposed to look”–as I let go of the need to explain, or convince, or answer to anyone about the choices I have made–I also open my heart to taking things less seriously. I open my heart to joy. To have fun. To play.

I also open my heart to teaching myself more about rest. Better rest. Deeper rest. More effective rest. So that my times of productivity and creativity are also more focused and more fruitful.

May my heart listen to the whispers…the nudges…may it be attentive and open.

Surely I am not outside the creative pulse of the world. Of life. Surely I belong, too. For here I am. This story. This existence. This beating heart…

This heart that beats “I want…I want…I want.”

This heart that has tended to get lost in searching and seeking and not having. In stories of “not enoughness” and envy. Others are so much more connected to their purpose…to a magical synchronicity…others are so much more connected to God. 

As if that connection were not my birthright. 

As if it were not already the truth of my being.

As if I had not merely turned my face away and immersed myself in believing a distraction.

As if I were not held in an ineffable Presence the whole time.

“Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky” ~ Ojibwe Saying