Einstein asked: Is the universe friendly?
So many of us grow up believing it to be hostile. There are experiences that are difficult, and that even seem downright cruel. It doesn’t make sense. Things hurt…physically, emotionally, mentally. Sometimes the pain is so great and so debilitating it feels unspeakable.
We hide.
We feel as if no one could possibly understand, and we find ourselves locked away in an isolated world. We become ashamed of our pain. I know I’ve felt this way…ashamed of the truth of what I was feeling. Not to be able to honestly express ourselves piles on the shame and adds anger, confusion and fear into the mix.
It is quite possible to be sure that we are unloved even when it isn’t true.
We hear the judgments. We hear all kinds of things about how we’re supposed to be in the world…and what’s acceptable…and either subtly or quite overtly, we hear plenty about how we’re not measuring up. We may feel we somehow don’t even belong in the world; that we, ourselves are a horrible mistake – and we may try to hide this away so no one will see. We don’t love ourselves and our fear has us not reach out for help.
The interesting part about doing that is: as long as we’re closed off in our own little world like that, we think we’re the only one doing it. We don’t see that it’s a deeply ingrained part of the human condition.
I would venture to say that almost everyone has experienced this feeling of being alone and “unacceptable” at some point, in some area of their lives. We’re afraid to step out of our prison because we’ve been hurt before; and, psychologically, it seems to make a lot of sense to protect ourselves. It makes sense to keep ourselves “safe”. But what I am learning is that our closed off, balled up sense of safety is a big lie. Our real sense of safety is in our freedom.
I didn’t know this until I started being called to come out of my cage…to take a leap and discover for myself whether or not the universe is friendly. What I’m finding is that the more I lean into the truth of what’s happening right now and go with it, the more okay I am. I found the gentler I can be with myself, the gentler the universe appears. I found that the more I am willing to reach out and be just as real as I know how to be, the more the universe reaches back to me with guidance and resources and, yes….love. The more I am willing to confess my pain, the better I feel. It starts here, with me. I feel as if little by little by little I’m beginning to get it.