The Oxford Dictionary defines cognitive dissonance as “the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change.” Psychologically it’s a “thing”, and it’s uncomfortable, and humans do all sorts of things to move themselves out of that uncomfortable space. Cognitive dissonance happens when our most deeply held and valued beliefs are challenged.
I’ve noticed it in myself, lately.
I am confronted with “cognitive dissonance” when I hear someone say that, essentially, “socialists will wait until the whole economic pie has been baked,” (That is to say by others…by capitalists), “and then they’ll demand a piece of it…or even demand the entire thing.” I found I had to stop the video I was listening to. Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Now, I don’t necessarily see this as the complete truth at all.
However, the way this person is carefully and rationally explaining his opinion, all of a sudden a light is shined. I get it. I understand where he’s coming from. I had been seeing the socialist point of view as completely benevolent–after all, don’t they want everyone to benefit? From listening to this person, a question begins to arise in my mind. So what am I to do with that?
That’s cognitive dissonance.
I am confronted with cognitive dissonance when someone says that beating Covid is not about “hiding from microbes”; that, in fact, hiding from microbes is a losing game. It’s impossible! It is about boosting our own immune systems, I’m told. And at the deepest level, it’s about letting our bodies do what they do naturally, all the time.
Guess what? I see how that makes some sense.
Does this mean I’m going to start refusing to wear a mask or pooh-poohing the CDC? Absolutely not.
It does mean that I can allow myself to have a gentler attitude and more understanding toward someone who doesn’t want to wear the mask and not assume they’re all just “crazy” or don’t care.
I mention these things because they weren’t the easiest things for me to look at. Easy is labeling myself and letting the label decide what I think. Easy is going with what I think will get me accepted by my social group as one of them.
We guard our beliefs and the way we see the world so tightly, as if they are our very selves. They’re not. The way I see it, the way out is to open our hearts. The way out is to listen to one another. The way out is to see clearly that it’s all a single coin, although it may have “sides” that appear to be directly opposite.
What if we didn’t have to make a choice? What if we could sit with the paradoxes and quandaries and let them speak to us in a deeper way. We could greet the idea of paradox as a friend, a teacher. We could begin to see life from a perspective that takes in the entire panorama. What if our doing could be a function of our intuition and a way of being that we’re choosing in the moment, rather than a personal dogma that relentlessly drives us?
We get so stuck on who’s doing or saying something we disagree with. We get stuck in the battle, focused on all the things we don’t want. What if we focus on what we do want? What if we focus on the ways we can love life and lift one another up?
What, exactly, did Gandhi mean when he said, “Be the change you want to see in the world?”
Very well written and your honesty is refreshing.
Aly the reflections you share are called maturing. You are willing and able to recognize your own beliefs as you hear another express their beliefs or aka opinions. You are open to change and thus you allow another’s point of view as a way to challenge and perhaps change your points of view. I consider that healthy, not cognitive dissonance. Drop the label and consider the process of maturity and what that entails. There are a variety of phrases that describe what you endeavor to achieve. You are, as many of us are, in search of connecting with the essence of our inner self, our whole self. That self that is both earth based often called the external self, and the universe based often called inner self. We are all in search of connecting and rejoining the two parts of the same whole. Our time on earth has most people disconnected from this whole. Some of us feel this disconnect and have dedicated time to put ourself back together. Each of us choose different methods to achieve this. As we mature, we are putting ourselves back together. Keep sharing.
Thanks Sandi. I think I experienced “cognitive dissonance” being the immediate reaction in the mind (which was also felt in the body). I agree with you that with acceptance of new ideas comes the “maturing” you are mentioning!