Author: gypsywoman

Hello Readers,

What a strange day…from morning on.

So. many. emotions.

Last night, I went to see a play called Incantata. It was a recitation of the poem “Incantata”by Paul Muldoon…but much more than a mere recitation. The poem is about his grief at losing his partner, Mary Farl Powers to cancer.  Stanley Townsend  (the only actor) was amazing…and moving…and raw…and the staging of the play was ingenious. I couldn’t “get” all the words…but I found I didn’t really need the ones that slipped by. I could feel them.

So…I woke up this morning with this strange edginess and grief. What was I grieving? I wondered if it had been connected with having seen the play. Maybe. But maybe there was something else going on. I’ve been bored and sad and angry, too. I’ve been feeling a bit petulant today.  I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to do much of anything at all. Just all kinds of things were stirred up.

I did go out to take a short walk to the grocery store…which helped.

Just taking care of myself helped.

Move some. Eat some. Drink water.

I recognized that I was feeling as if “no one cares about me.” Have you ever felt like that when in your heart, you know it isn’t the truth? I was having all kinds of feelings that didn’t make any sense. (This is what I mean when I say “petulant.”)

What I know is, my emotions never really are rational. They don’t make sense. Logic has nothing to do with it.  There aren’t wrong ones and right ones. They’re emotions! It’s thinking I shouldn’t be having them that’s really crazy-making. Once I get that, I can look at my emotions with an open heart, and  things begin to get more clear. Things get softer. Once I that happens, I can see the truth of how what hurts is pretty generally connected with a thought that isn’t isn’t even true.

“When we question our thoughts, we see that the craziness was never in the world, but in us.” Byron Katie

Today I visited the Festival Art Gallery to check out some visual arts. I am enjoying the Galway International Arts Festival.

First…a little visit with Oscar and Eduard Wilde.

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying.” Oscar Wilde

Lots of beautiful artwork at the temporary festival gallery!

Into the Blue – Michael Keeler

Latina Fire – Evelyn Wrynn

Boat at Long Walk * – Mary Cooke Conneely

Wash Day Long Walk * – Breege Staunton

Corrib Flight – Evelyn Wrynn

* The Long Walk references an area along Galway Bay

Goodnight Readers! Thank you so much for being here.

I have not been one to have many close girlfriends.

Maybe it’s had to do with the way my family used to move around a lot when I was a child. Maybe it’s had to do with my own insecurities. Maybe I just didn’t feel as if I “belonged”. Maybe it’s had to do with what has basically been an introverted and introspective personality.

Something used to be pretty sure I was being judged…pretty much all the time…by everybody.

I’m finding things change. On the other hand…maybe the truth is that this feeling has been with me forever, and that I just haven’t had the courage to do anything about it.

At this stage in my life I am finding a longing for sisters. I’m finding a longing for women with whom I can have real, honest conversations without judgement; women with whom I can both laugh and cry freely. I am finding a longing to be heard…and a longing to be a space to listen, as well. I would love to meet women with whom that feels easy, and light…and mutually supportive.

I am finding that, since this feels sort of new, to actually act on such longings; I am not entirely sure how to step into it! It feels a little awkward.

I stumble around a little bit, wondering where to meet these women and how to connect with them.

I find I compare myself to Amanda Palmer and Elizabeth Gilbert, to Anne Lamott and others– women I’ve sort of put on a pedestal. “I want to be like her,” I think.

I find when I listen to these women I can connect easily. They’re so…well, truthful. They’ve grown so comfortable with who they are…or at least they really seem to be. They also seem to be very comfortable with being soft and vulnerable, which I find beyond beautiful. Isn’t that where our real gorgeousness is, as women…our light? Don’t we all end up falling in love a little bit with someone like that?

So…I am letting my heart ask for this today. I’m letting myself speak it. Who knows…maybe you are out there wanting exactly the same thing.

Dear Readers,

I have been reading a book lately:

Diana, Herself: An Allegory of Awakening by Martha Beck

It is reminding me of so many things…and it’s so much fun…

There is, among other things…a mystical boar called “Myself”.

“‘Oh, yes indeed. I am here to bewilder you.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Waking up is the goal. Bewilderment is the method.’

Diana contemplates this. Then she sighs and drops her hand into her lap.

‘Well, congratulations, pig. I’m bewildered.’

‘I am not a pig.’

‘Of course not. You’re a dream.’

‘Hoink! The dream that is here to wake you up. But not the way you think.'”

I read the the free sample from Amazon and I was hooked. It is speaking straight to my heart right now.

Click here to check it out on Amazon

Hello Readers!

I have been doing some sight seeing and enjoying myself. Shall I catch you up on both yesterday and today?

Yesterday, I took a leisurely walk (about 25 minutes or so) along what’s called the Salthill Prom, which goes from the City Center of Galway to the village of Salthill.  This is Salthill in the distance, there.

Once in Salthill I noticed and visited the aquarium…Atlantaquaria, which is mostly a native species aquarium and has lots of information about the local ecology.

On the way back toward Galway City Centre I noticed some standing stones and went to investigate.

I discovered I was walking into  Celia Griffin Park, which was named for a six year old girl who died of starvation during the famine and is dedicated to all the children who died in the famine. The stones themselves are the  Mutton Light Famine Memorial, which is dedicated to the captains and crews who carried refugees to safety; the  stones on either side bear the names of 100 ships. The plaque on the center stone reads:

“The lighthouse you can see in the distance is Mutton Light. It is the last light of their homeland seen by the many thousands of refugees who fled the Great Famine through the Port of Galway 1847-1850.”

 

      

On my visit yesterday I also saw the Spanish Arch, which is part of a wall that was constructed in the 1500’s to protect Galway’s quays.

Lastly, I found Cupán Tae, which had been recommended by my host in Tullamore. I had a cup of their Dreamy Creamy Galway Tea and a sandwich. What an elegant way to end the afternoon. “Lovely Altogether!”

Today I went to buy show tickets for a show called Incantata, which is part of the Galway Art Festival going on right now. The show isn’t until next Tuesday July 24th…I’ll let you know!

While I was there, though, I visited the Galway Cathedral.

And I saw this gentleman, Ricardo…in case you can’t quite see it…he is juggling two fire torches and a machete while balancing himself on a freestanding ladder. What a finale. All that…and he was funny, too!

So, all in all I’ve had a fun couple of days!

 

 

Well, I have been busy the last couple of days! I feel as if I have a lot to catch you up on!

First of all…I got all packed up and took a train from Tullamore yesterday into the Galway area. I’m in a new space…and check out the view of the little garden from my room.

                

I met two young women from Germany this morning who were also staying in the same house with me.  My host here had pointed out the bus stop into Galway City yesterday, and these two ladies happened to have done it before and happened to be going that way this afternoon! Perfect…because that was what I wanted to do today. I went along with them to the bus.

It was sort of a drizzly day…still lots of people in the city!

As I was walking around I heard some chanting…like a protest, and went to see what was going on.

            

I asked one woman watching the commotion, “I’m not understanding. What are they protesting?” She smiled. “It’s a show,” she said.

Then I met a gentleman named Michael,  sitting near the river. (The River Corrib runs through Galway into Galway Bay.) When I saw him he was sitting on a the bridge with a cup for coins. I walked a little past…thinking…and then I turned around. “Would you like some lunch?” I asked him.

Actually he didn’t want lunch, but he did allow me to sit down next to him and he told me his story. He said he’d been homeless for 17 years and…(this is the part that amazed me)…that he loved his life. I could tell by his eyes he was telling the truth. I felt a deep love of people coming from Michael. I asked him how he ended up living the way he is, and he admitted to me that it had to do with alcohol, for one thing, and with his experience in the military for another. I will not forget meeting and talking with him.

There were swans on the River Corrib today.

I said goodbye to Michael and went to see a nearby church where he said he went to mass on Sundays. I found there was a wedding that had just ended and lots of people standing around taking wedding photos. I left them to their day…but I did get this photo of the statue of Mary outside the building.

And some photos of beautiful Galway Bay…

              

 

 

I am thinking this evening… as I’m getting ready for sleep:

How exactly do I move from a “good-enough” life into something that is more fulfilling…something that is vital….and meaningful…and satisfying? How do I do that?  What does it look like to create that? How will I know that I am living the life I’m after?

Maybe, for one thing, when I’m not asking those questions, anymore.  Right?

It seems to me that I will know because I will know. I will know because I am not taking anyone’s word for what my happiness should look like or what I should be doing but my own.

Maybe I will also know because I’m not afraid of diving in…or if I am afraid, I will dive in anyway.

Maybe I will know when I’m not afraid of what people will think. I will know when I’m willing to suck and create lousy posts and tell you what I really care about…and…just see what happens. Maybe I will know when I’m willing to do everything else in my life that way, too.

Maybe this is another little step. Now. Tonight.

I am feeling deeply into a sense of being alone, today, Readers.  I feel it calling me.

It’s like a heaviness in my chest, and in my solar plexus…and like a wandering, pacing restlessness (that’s the part that wants to get away from actually feeling it). Have you ever felt like that?

I notice it’s not really a terrible thing. (Though sometimes it feels like that, at first.) In fact, it’s extraordinarily loving.

It’s kind.

It says, “Listen, this is how you take care care of yourself: You take care of yourself by noticing. You take care of yourself by not running away. You take care of yourself by breathing deep breaths and paying attention to your heart. You take care of yourself by never,ever denying what you feel.”

Things are changing. This is what it feels like for things to change. This is what it feels like to grow. This is what it feels like to be gentle with myself…and say yes. When I give myself full permission to feel what I’m feeling, I find the restlessness begins to rest. I feel the things that were clutching begin to unwind.

There is a little resistance popping up now saying, “Wow. Are you actually going to publish this? Don’t you think it’s a little much?” Yes.  Yes, I am. Because, I don’t know…maybe…maybe it is a little much, but it’s my truth of the day.

Hello Readers!

It’s been a couple of days! I’ve been working on getting my blog site moved from one blog hosting site to another…so I got to play with some “techie” kind of stuff.

I have to say, if you ever want to start up a blog yourself, the support people at DreamHost were super helpful.  You can always just pay a fee and have something like migrating done for you, but I was in it to learn something! (Besides which, right now, it so happens I have plenty of time.) And now (whoo hooo!) it’s done!

I’ll tell you, I am a bit proud of myself for sticking with it and asking questions and taking the next small step until it was finished. I’m also proud of myself for being patient with myself. This was just the kind of “stuff” I used to think was beyond me. Yes, I reached out and asked for help and support and I got that, too. Asking hasn’t always been one of my strong suits.

So, I took myself out for dinner and a pint yesterday to celebrate.  I know everyone isn’t into liver, but I found this chicken liver pâté and figs amazing…and doesn’t it make an inviting picture?

 

 

 

 

I had lovely day yesterday! I decided to go back to Athlone. It’s so delightful. This time I decided to take a river cruise. (You might as well know, I have a “thing” for rivers.) My first stop was at a museum right on the river to see if the people at the desk knew where I might catch the boat. They did indeed! Right behind the Athlone Castle near Sean’s Bar, (which just happens to be the oldest bar in Ireland), would be the place to catch it.

Readers, these are the things I am learning about blogging…next time I’d get you a picture of at least the entrance to Sean’s Bar. It’s easy to look up on the internet though. The official website for the bar says: “Sean’s Bar has a detailed and documented history right back to 900 AD. During renovations in 1970, the walls of the bar were found to be made of ‘wattle and wicker’ dating back to the ninth century. Old coins which were minted by various landlords for barter with their customers were also found and dated to this period. The walls and the coins are on display in the National Museum. One section remains on display in the pub.”

Who knows, I may be back to Athlone once more before I’m off to spend some time in the area of Galway. I’d like to have a pint at Sean’s Bar…and maybe tour the castle, too…and I could visit that museum.

I have pictures from the river tour. We sailed north to Lough Ree (the Lake of Kings).

This is me…enjoying the day.

      

 

And a few pictures around town:

Here is Murphy’s Law, Gastro Pub and Restaurant. Of course a letter has fallen from the sign. What did you expect?

Even the water main covers are beautiful!

  

That last photo is The Bastion Gallery. Again, I’m learning. I didn’t see I’d missed having the whole sign until I got home…but I loved the quirky feel of the place.

Today I have been practicing with resizing these photos so they’re not such big files…and reading about technical ins and outs. So I’ve been playing indoors.