Sisters

I have not been one to have many close girlfriends.

Maybe it’s had to do with the way my family used to move around a lot when I was a child. Maybe it’s had to do with my own insecurities. Maybe I just didn’t feel as if I “belonged”. Maybe it’s had to do with what has basically been an introverted and introspective personality.

Something used to be pretty sure I was being judged…pretty much all the time…by everybody.

I’m finding things change. On the other hand…maybe the truth is that this feeling has been with me forever, and that I just haven’t had the courage to do anything about it.

At this stage in my life I am finding a longing for sisters. I’m finding a longing for women with whom I can have real, honest conversations without judgement; women with whom I can both laugh and cry freely. I am finding a longing to be heard…and a longing to be a space to listen, as well. I would love to meet women with whom that feels easy, and light…and mutually supportive.

I am finding that, since this feels sort of new, to actually act on such longings; I am not entirely sure how to step into it! It feels a little awkward.

I stumble around a little bit, wondering where to meet these women and how to connect with them.

I find I compare myself to Amanda Palmer and Elizabeth Gilbert, to Anne Lamott and others– women I’ve sort of put on a pedestal. “I want to be like her,” I think.

I find when I listen to these women I can connect easily. They’re so…well, truthful. They’ve grown so comfortable with who they are…or at least they really seem to be. They also seem to be very comfortable with being soft and vulnerable, which I find beyond beautiful. Isn’t that where our real gorgeousness is, as women…our light? Don’t we all end up falling in love a little bit with someone like that?

So…I am letting my heart ask for this today. I’m letting myself speak it. Who knows…maybe you are out there wanting exactly the same thing.