Unwinnable Game

I am find I am sort of following up on my Barnes and Noble thoughts today…

Sometimes I find myself in a mental loop. I think maybe I can do a thing, like sitting here and writing, and at the same time I fuss and worry that I’m doing it wrong.. How crazy is that? It’s a circle…a self-perpetuating “issue”. 

I’ve heard some people call it “trying to solve a problem from the level of the problem” or, even more consisely, “an unwinnable game.” Ever been there?

What can I do with that besides sit and stare at the cursor on my computer and choke? Every now and then I get so tired of listening to my own story. So, then…what?

Find another story to tell? Laugh? Scream? Pray for grace? Sit at the computer with my hands on the keyboard and type whatever may come to mind (which is pretty much what I’m doing right now)?  

Here’s another suggestion I just read from an author named Rhonda Douglas: create a ritual. Rhonda says she lights a candle and invites the muse. I think that’s a lovely idea. There’s something grounding about ritual. I’m finding the quote I added here from Rumi can help settle me in.

I pick up little clues along the way from those who have gone before: for instance, that all of this is okay. Even that it doesn’t always feel okay is still perfectly okay. Martha Beck speaks about that. There is a wise grace to our difficult feelings…in feelings of failure, too. There is a certain intuitive intelligence to them. They’re part of what creates a full and complete life, especially when we really tap in. What a deep, compassionate place we can find for ourselves when we give in to that. 

Thank heaven there is more than, say, sunshine and ice cream all the time. Just the idea has me feeling sick and sunburned. It’s actually pretty obvious life has a better way. Still, in those moments when I might be actively looking for sunshine and ice cream (instead of checking out the thunderstorm that’s actually happening), I can tend to forget that we’re here to explore all of it.