Winter Light

Jake and I are waking up in a new Airbnb this morning…still here in Madison. Yesterday was moving day. We are in a much more spacious place where I have my own room for writing and working and for my altar…which is absolutely lovely to have.

Through the rest of this year and into next year let me focus on joy and gratitude. Let me focus on the beauty and grace that are in my life.

Let me look to the direction of the whispers of my heart. Microscopic delights. Quotidian Miracles. Bits of light shining through the sheltering darkness of winter. 

I am thinking now how much I love the seasons and their rhythms. Their moods. Let me be cracked open with that love. Now is the time of the sheltering womb…the darkness of winter. Rest. Slowing down. As I go through these days…as I write…as I work…as I meditate and pray…let me remember to fully receive that deep blessing.

It is a time of moving inward…inward…inward.

It is a time of acknowledging grief…and as the sun begins, as of today, to shed more and more light for us each day…to hold the possibilities of spring.

The light at the end of the tunnel. The light of the new year. Meanwhile, patience and trust. Faith. Carrying a small and steadfast light toward the future.

I am tired of feeling afraid.

I am tired of being on “high alert” and in survival mode for what feels like a long, long time.

So I will do the small things to take care of myself. Doing some work…allowing myself to see what will happen. Opening to exploration. I will allow myself to be tentative…and hopeful…soft, and malleable…moving with what I learn. I will be forgiving toward myself, and kind as I navigate new territory. It seems there is forever a next adventure. (Not such a bad thing, right?)

I will give myself space for creativity…and some sort of movement…and gratitude. Space for cups of tea and meditating and paying attention.

Sometimes panic and anxiety seems to be calling me to rush ahead, to fix, to control. I am so grateful also for what I have learned over these last years about trusting the way things are…and trusting myself. And I am grateful for what I am learning now about cultivating the calm and confidence of feminine wisdom. I am grateful for this ongoing work in breathing, and checking in with my body and listening…being receptive.