Month: October 2020

I am loving Dr. Kate Dow’s coaching program: Cultivating Calm and Confidence Within.

In the first session we talked about the Queen archetype, and what that means to us. This past Tuesday we talked about the “Princess”. The Princess is the child or young woman in us who has not yet grown into her sovereignty. She is more dependent…and she wants to please. She wants the people around her to be happy with her. And she wants to be taken care of, as she does not yet realize her own resourcefulness.

The Princess is still looking to the outside world to tell her she is enough. She is striving to learn and to measure up.

I feel as if I lived deeply in the Princess phase for a long time in my life. I was looking to following the rules in order to succeed. I was looking to “acceptable behavior” to protect me and keep me safe. (So of course I had to guess what other people thought was “acceptable”.) I trusted the outside world more than I trusted my own inner guidance.

What I found over and over again is that believing in my weakness sets me up for victimhood. It sets me up to blame someone else for the way my life is going.

And the answer to the quandary is not to blame or ostracize the Princess.

During the coaching session we were guided to finding this part of ourselves in our bodies. For me, she was in my heart center. She was seeking out her mother and wanting to be loved. 

Breathing into that and allowing myself to feel it, my response became compassion. Compassion for how hard she has worked to prove herself and to be “good”. Compassion for how long she has been terrified…and resentful…and full of rage.

How could I not want to hold this child in my heart and comfort her?

How could I not appreciate her resilience? Her utter exhaustion? She has been a necessary part of my growth process. And, by the way, she has not been “conquered” or “transcended.” She is being integrated as I accept her as a natural part of my journey.

So I breathe. I find her in my body. I am learning to listen to her. She is not gone. In uncertain times she comes to me, to the mother aspect of me, the Queen,  for reassurance. I am learning to give her reassurance, and to give her the love that no one else actually can.

Yesterday I attended my first “Cultivating Calm and Confidence” group coaching session. (What a marvelous experience I had with those beautiful women!) This morning I am looking at a question Dr. Kate Dow left us with:

What is the energy of the Queen archetype?

To me, a Queen is wise. She weighs her options and is guided by her intuition. She has an inner strength that runs deep. She is resourceful. She gathers those around her whose ideas and counsel she respects. She is open and receptive to ways of thinking that differ from her own–and she is cognizant of being a leader. Ultimately the decisions are hers. Ultimately she knows she is the one who is responsible. 

A Queen respects herself. She is aware of her boundaries and she upholds them. Her bearing is poised. Her confidence is a reassuring light for those around her. She is gracious. She has no need to compete with anyone because she knows her own worth. 

She is the ruler of her inner Queendom…and that expresses itself gently but firmly in the outer world. Her motivation is love–love for herself and love for others.

A Queen is bold. She is courageous. Her resourcefulness allows her to make tough choices. She is led by her heart.

A Queen is willing to go through her dark night of the soul over and over again to find her answers. And she is a warrior. She does not require others to do what she would not. She is fierce when necessary. When she moves, she moves from clarity.

So now I am curious to hear, especially from the women, what Queen means to you.

What do you think a Queen is? Tap into your inner Queen and let me know in the comments.